Keeping all the best stuff in life and leaving the rest!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Me and Other



Doing what you do, walking, talking, crying, sleeping
Although you teach me I must see you first
I listen
I watch you
I learned from you Mother

Interesting how mother
has other in her name

She was my first other
I watched her
and could sense her breathe
and cry, and laugh
I hung on to her every moment
Waiting for my cue

I felt her under me
as I sat on her lap
I see her hands now
and her nails and thumb
I hold her thumb
and grab for her breast

My breast
I love her
as I love myself

When she goes away
I still feel her
I know she is there
till one day she isn't

Who Am I
with out her
What did I do wrong?
When will she come back?
and will she re member me?
Will I re cognize her?

Maybe I will smell her
Like a dog smells me when
it greets me
Her smell I will re member
I will follow my nose

I re member her body
as if it was my own body

But now she is gone
still alive
but so far away
I long for her
and see her in every person I meet

Are you my mother?

Others were her re placement
Others were my re placement
I was separate, yet so enmeshed
in their experience
and their dreams
I have seen the world through eyes that are not my own.

It was all a dream
This loss
she is still holding me
I see her hand and nails and thumb
Her arm holds me

It's all a dream
She is still here
in my mind
Otherwise I would feel so alone

I look at my own hand
and see her
My feet look like hers
when I wear my hair a certain way, I look like her

Ahhh!
I sound like her...

and that drives me crazy
I need a makeover and I need a personal trainer and a therapist...
to help me see
I am not my mother
and neither are the others in my life
I am learning who I am
by listening and watching you like a mirror

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The past

at this moment pretty good

My photo
Toronto, ON, Canada
Just trying to figure out this life and death thing. Lovin Livin Fully and when I first was diagnosed almost 15 years ago, I learned to say Yes to everything. Now I'm learning how to say No also. Not as easy for me. I'll talk about my journey and maybe I'll write something inspirational through my journey that gives you hope, and strength to follow your heart and to live fully in Love.