Me and Other

Doing what you do, walking, talking, crying, sleeping
Although you teach me I must see you first
I listen
I watch you
I learned from you Mother

Interesting how mother
has other in her name

She was my first other
I watched her
and could sense her breathe
and cry, and laugh
I hung on to her every moment
Waiting for my cue

I felt her under me
as I sat on her lap
I see her hands now
and her nails and thumb
I hold her thumb
and grab for her breast

My breast
I love her
as I love myself

When she goes away
I still feel her
I know she is there
till one day she isn't

Who Am I
with out her
What did I do wrong?
When will she come back?
and will she re member me?
Will I re cognize her?

Maybe I will smell her
Like a dog smells me when
it greets me
Her smell I will re member
I will follow my nose

I re member her body
as if it was my own body

But now she is gone
still alive
but so far away
I long for her
and see her in every person I meet

Are you my mother?

Others were her re placement
Others were my re placement
I was separate, yet so enmeshed
in their experience
and their dreams
I have seen the world through eyes that are not my own.

It was all a dream
This loss
she is still holding me
I see her hand and nails and thumb
Her arm holds me

It's all a dream
She is still here
in my mind
Otherwise I would feel so alone

I look at my own hand
and see her
My feet look like hers
when I wear my hair a certain way, I look like her

Ahhh!
I sound like her...

and that drives me crazy
I need a makeover and I need a personal trainer and a therapist...
to help me see
I am not my mother
and neither are the others in my life
I am learning who I am
by listening and watching you like a mirror