Keeping all the best stuff in life and leaving the rest!

Monday, February 11, 2008

No motivation for Moving ~ living off the fat



Winter is Canada

Canada is home

But why can’t the snow

just leave me alone



I feel slushed

and just dumped on

The snow came last night

And the night before that one

And so on and so on

Now I am shoveling it again



Shovel hovel trouble

My house is covered and the ice is not melting

I was built to live here and yet I am so tired of it

I want a beach with sand and heat and where is the sun



I could use a hovercraft right about now

Supported by the warm air

and just a little above the earth right about now

Looking down and getting that ground effect

from a distance

I mean I am not shoveling machine



A snow blower would also do the job

I am always building the snowball

Bigger and more layers

I tried building a snowman

But he was not very helpful me

Sometimes he'd just sit there

all dressed up with his carrot and top hat and just refuse to move

But man does he looks so great and so handsome in my front yard

Sometimes I look at him and see play, fun, joy

and snow, snow, snow

Go away and come back another day

Don't you know I have work to do



The sleep at night holds the after pains of the labour from the day before

And I woke up stiff and feeling old again today



Maybe the plow came by

Only to see a big snow bank that I know will melt

someday

But it looks so ominous obstacle right now



The banks are back again and still there and even higher this day

Where is my car?

It’s buried

Right now



Right now

This place is howling and dismal and cold

Trails covered and sky pallid and pasty white

No difference in the sky and colour of the horizon

All is buried

waiting

Nothing to do but dig myself out of this precipitation of the solid kind

I am so busy shoveling

Scoop

Push

Lift

Solid

Unyielding

Heavy Accumulation


Discontent with the whining sound that I sit with now

Complaint in my ears, old heavy and cranky

Whine less, Breathe more ~ a yoga teacher told me

She says I just need a place to sit still

and just breathe



But I just want out of here

or just to stay in till it all melts away

The ice walk

The ice run

I have salt in my wounds right now

Watch me, I’ll run away from here

Slip sliding all day

to some far away place



I dream of warm full human beings,

a hubby and a cubbyhole to crawl in

Hibernate in

temporarily inactive or not in use

Sleeplike

dormant and no goal to follow

nothing to do

In an inactive state, when growth and development slow or cease,

in order to survive adverse environmental conditions



That’s me

I found my winter self in the dictionary

Just living off the fat



Making tracks for myself and watching them cover again

And content with it, it’s just a process anyhow

It’s just a cycle

This will change

Things change and so do we

Filled full of possibilities

but nothing happening

Right now

Life waiting below the surface

Right now



But spring is not too far away the groundhog says

Far away for the States and close for us

Confused groundhogs

Just around the snow bank for us

But far away for them

How can that be?

This is Canada

and

I still have the after taste of yesterdays snowfall



Hope is opportunity for people everywhere

This too shall melt

Snow storm

Flurries

Blizzard

White out

Erase my memories as I know them

Brain Freeze



I could make Snow angels

I forgot about them

to make one

I have to move



OH

Snowball me

please

And let me sleep

this motivated ambition away

Like a big bear

Living off the fat

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Toronto, ON, Canada
Just trying to figure out this life and death thing. Lovin Livin Fully and when I first was diagnosed almost 15 years ago, I learned to say Yes to everything. Now I'm learning how to say No also. Not as easy for me. I'll talk about my journey and maybe I'll write something inspirational through my journey that gives you hope, and strength to follow your heart and to live fully in Love.